Three awful weeks since you were taken from me.  Finding the courage to move forward has been the most difficult feat. I seem to be frozen in the exact same place since that dreadful phone call.  Although, life continues to move around me and since I must be a willing participant, I do the bare mininmum. I can't see past the sorrow of not being able to call you for our morning chat.  Who is going to be my prayer warrior now?  No one can soothe me with their words quite like you mom.  

Everyone seems to have moved on except for those who were closest to you.  I am grateful for them because I know I am not alone in this feeling of tremendous loss. I know that I can lean on them because they can relate to this immense feeling of losing you.  Even though we share our own personal stories about you, it doesn't seem to erase the feeling of emptiness that lives in our hearts.

Today has been one of the hardest days yet.  From the moment I got behind the wheel the tears just began and continued to flow all morning. My entire morning was spent thinking of you and this uneasy feeling of my world caving in on me. This sickening feeling of loneliness, that I can't seem to shake off no matter what I do.  I try praying and I just can't.  I dont find the words.  It feels like I forgot how to pray.  All I seem to do these days is sob uncontrollably.  

Knowing you as I do, I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God.  You were his most faithful soldier.  I was a witness to the astonishing faith you had in him.  With that being said, I am so thankful that one of his best soldiers has become my guardian angel.

Thank you mom for being the strong, independent, hardworking, and loving mom to me and a doting mama to my children.  I am eternally grateful.  

I love and miss you mom!

Picking up the pieces isn't easy.
He broke my heart into a million.
Piece by piece I glue them back
together and still some are missing.
When will my heart be whole again?

Jacqueline Rodriguez

Remembering that night, our first night
The room illuminated by candles
Rose petals adorned the floor
Loves notes posted in every empty space
Baby, you are my everything, and I smile because of you

Your reaction touched my heart to the core
Your overwhelming tears tore down the walls that guarded my heart
I Love You was all wanted to shout
Terrified at what you would think, I kept it to myself

As the evening progressed. the passion consumed every ounce of that room
Enjoying how every inch of you filed me
Your hands in mine, your lips on my lips
Never let me go is what ran through my mind
But the night had to end

A quiet drive on the way to your home only to have you say the words I waited for all night
I Love You Baby!

Jacqueline Rodriguez

Fear

Fear is the monster that paralyzes us
It keeps us from being the best version of ourselves
Grab a hold of fear and show it who's boss.

Jacqueline Rodriguez